Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
