Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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