Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
