I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
