And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
