Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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