Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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