Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You smell like stripper and shame
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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