I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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