12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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