I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
