apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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