I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
