dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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