Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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