I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
