We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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