ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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