Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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