so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
