She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
