you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My ATM looks so different sober.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
