dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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