just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
