I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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