Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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