It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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