They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
