she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
