I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
