I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
