grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
