I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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