...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
