SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
