hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
