Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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