You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
