At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
