HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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