I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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