My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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