I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
