it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
