that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
