I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
