The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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