:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
