Your tits are I can't wait for
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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