I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
