So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
