The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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