he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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