Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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