can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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