He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
