I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
