She's JV to your varsity
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I will pee on everything he values.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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