There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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