Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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