the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
