Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
